Mommy Talk

Being a mom ain't easy

Knowing When to Let Go

qhDPTR11B9-2So an interesting social experiment has happened in my world today. My phone has buzzed its last text message. I’m sure it’s untimely death has nothing to do with the sippy cup full of juice that was poured on it. I mean it was all natural organic.. no sugar added juice. Yet, strangely enough since the sippy cup incident… my phone has continued to lose functionality. First, I couldn’t access all my pictures. Then it was saying that it was charging when it was clearly NOT plugged in, and now it’s telling me that I don’t have a battery… yet I’m fairly certain that I do… especially since my phone is managing to flash a lighted sign at me stating it has no battery.

Alas, I am without phone. I remember in years past the panic that would set in at the prospect of not having my trusted companion. I remember getting completely pissed at which ever company dared to make such a faulty product that it could not foresee a way to prevent a Mountain Dew attack… I didn’t say the baby spilled the sippy cup.. just that it was spilled. I remember the sheer terror that I may miss a text message or email or.. what’s that other thing that phones do? Right, phone call…

Now I sit, with the lifeless body that was once my best friend.. and I do not mourn its passing, but am at peace that somewhere out there… when I get a chance to pick one up.. there is one justPhoneLandingHero like it… and possibly even an upgraded version…. that will do it’s job just fine. And untill I have the chance to find such a gift… I will enjoy the silence and the thoughts in my own head… and leave the messaging to my computer… who is nice enough to stay at home and not intrude in my life where ever I go.

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Hippity Hoppity Easter Came and Went

1948258_10152339527021602_4071599751604340545_nIt’s funny cuz this was my son’s second Easter and yet he still has no idea what’s going on. I brought him to meet The Bunny. The basket was laid out and filled in the night and yet nothing…. I mean he knows he got a few snacks and toys the next morning but the whole concept is completely over his head.

I think it’s funny how far he has come and yet at the same time he’s still a little baby with very10168121_10152339526766602_2113540666147130845_n little understanding of the ways of the world. I didn’t even bother with the egg decorating or the hunt.. he wouldn’t understand that he’s supposed to go look for them and we’d still be finding them on Christmas. Next year I think we’ll have more fun with it. Next year he’ll be 2 and completely afraid of the giant rat at pictures and totally excited about the prospect of candy… instead of the organic apple chips that he got this year.

524095_10151523833866602_2075482647_nThe one fun thing about this year was his Easter basket. It’s shaped as a giant Peep and last year he was small enough to sit inside of it. I think it will be quite fun watching him year by year get bigger and bigger and the basket get smaller and smaller… until then my family will just have to enjoy watching him play as he does everyday and take pride and in the happy little man that he is.

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Baby in White!

untitledSaturday night was my baby’s Baptism. It was so much fun. He was such a precious little angel. He was a little older than most because we had the slight glitch of neither myself nor his father are Catholic, but my father’s side of the family is and I wanted him baptised at our family church and I want him to learn the old traditions and make up his own mind on what he believes.

Anyway, so, because neither parent was Catholic I had to convert. It took many months, but I feel 1good about my time spent going to the church and what I have learned. The church in which we attend is pretty forward thinking. I could and would never take him anywhere that taught hate. They are accepting of everyone. In fact, the woman who was running my classes has a daughter who recently married a Muslim. If that isn’t accepting I don’t know what is.

2So we had a joint ceremony. My confirmation… as I was already baptised… and his baptismal. It was so beautiful. It was the night of the Easter Vigil. There was a full Mass and a crowd of people. You could really feel the love in the house4 when my baby came up and was ready for his dunking. I have to say, I have never been very fond of organized religion with all the hypocrisy you hear in the news. But on this night with these people I could really understand the appeal and the power that it has given others over the years.

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Murder is no Game

KNXV%20Cody%20Wygant_1397839129120_4127985_ver1_0_320_240I want to start by saying that I have nothing against video games. In fact, I enjoy a good arcade at the beach and like to watch some of the adventure games as if they were a movie. I used to have an ex that used to let me hold the map to the big long games and help direct him places when he got stuck. They can be a lot of fun.

They are also, like anything else, ADDICTIVE! I know people who have had to cut social engagements short because they have had standing plans to play a game with online “friends”. I have known others to bring portable game systems every where they go and completely check out from real life at any given moment. I have seen fights and things broken. I have seen grown men have tantrums worse than my toddler, but now I have seen the worst.

I read an article today about A GROWN MAN who smother his son to death because the baby was crying too much and he couldn’t play his x-box game. Are you effing kidding me?!?!?! I couldn’t even imagine being that baby’s mother. You leave the child alone with his own father. A man you assume would protect his son with his life, just as you would, and you come home to find the little scampering piece of your heart DEAD! Then to find out that it wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t some tragic event that couldn’t be prevented. The man who you left in charge. The man with whom you trusted the most precious, most innocent being in your world actually killed him! And again, not by accident. Then to find out the REASON he felt this was ok.. was because he wanted to play a GAME!! How is this rational understandable? How do you wrap your mind around this the next time you see a kid at the park, or when your own son’s birthday rolls around? How is this even possible?

When did something as trivial as a video game become the most important thing in someone’s life. More important than their own family; their own child’s life? The worst part is that when I went to find the article again I realized that this wasn’t the only little life that was taken over a videojonylah game. There was a 6 month old baby who was shot because her father, allegedly, stole someone’s video game.. so the “victim”, instead of calling the cops to report the theft, shot the man while he was changing his daughter. The little 6 month old angel was shot FIVE times. As if once wasn’t enough!

I have found stories that, so far, go back as far as 2006, and it’s not just men. In 2010 a mother shook her 3 month old to death over FARMVILLE!!! WHAT?!??!?! That doesn’t have a time limit. You can plow and plant as lackadaisical as you choose. I really think that there needs to be help out there for people and this video game obsessed world. (It’s not just happening in The States. There are stories in England and North Korea too). When people are putting their own lives on hold, or KILLING young children over it there needs to be a way to come to terms with it being an addiction.

Now like I said, don’t get me wrong; I like video games. I like drinking too.. but when someone is so addicted that they start to hurt themselves or other over it.. then it’s just a problem. Perhaps a VGA group should be started.. I don’t know.. but this epidemic of lifeless killer zombies has to stop.

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How do you not notice 7 DEAD BABIES!?!?!?

dead-babies-utah-homeI have heard many insane stories in my life, but this new story about the woman who has killed SIX of her newborn babies has to be the most disturbing thing I could have ever imagined. This is literally something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie… or an episode of Criminal Minds.

In the days of legal abortion, adoption and Hell even black-market sales of babies how is it that the only thing that this woman could think to do with a brand new baby is to strangle, smother and kill it! And this wasn’t just some teenage girl in a desperate moment. This was a grown mother of 3 other children who did this not once… not twice but SIX times, and never told anyone until the bodies were found!

How the guilt did not eat at her. How she went about her day-to-day life without anyone one question, noticing or thinking she may have a problem is beyond me. How her husband didn’t notice seven pregnancies (one was supposedly still-born so she didn’t have to kill it) is ridiculous! I have been pregnant. I could never imagine going through the whole thing without my boyfriend finding out. And let’s be honest 10 pregnancies all together, including her actual children, she must have been taking her clothes off in front of him occasionally.. I’m just saying.

But beyond the moron man who couldn’t tell that his wife was pregnant SEVEN times, who looks at a sweet little helpless infant and thinks… “I have to squeeze it to death”? Especially a mother…1024px-HumanNewborn a mother who appears to have her life together enough to not lose custody of her living children. How is this possible? The only thing that I could think of was that horrible “Game of Thrones” character who sent his boys off to be eaten. I don’t even know what else to say about this story.. the concept is so foreign to me I can’t find it in any way conceivable.

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Boston Strong… A Day to Remember

tumblr_inline_mlevhrDDgi1qz4rgpToday is the anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing. I remember that day vividly. I had plans with my cousin. We were going to take my brand new baby out for a little night on the town… dinner out!!! Woo Hoo!!! He wasn’t even 2 months old. I remember we were meeting at her mom’s house because she had plans with her earlier in the day.. it being a holiday and all.

I remember hearing the news on the radio on the drive out, and I remember telling them about it when I got there. I remember thinking about how horrible the situation was as my young son laid in my arms nursing. I remember thinking, “what kind of world did I bring him into?”. Then I remember watching the TV and seeing all of the people who were still shuffling about to help.

I remember the following days as the information started flowing in and hearing that it was just kids themselves who were responsible for this horrible thing. I remember being shocked to find out that, for the most part, these kids grew up here.

I remember my whole city being shut down. I remember my son’s grandmother not being able to go outside because the search was happening outside her door. I remember thinking.. this is the kind of world my son was born into. The kind of world where no one questions staying inside… where nors_560x415-130416095318-1024_joe_cm_41613_copy one interferes or puts their own needs before those of the rest of the world’s. The Boston Marathon isn’t just about Boston.. people come from EVERYWHERE to compete.. and the people of Boston… specifically the little city outside of Boston, Watertown, didn’t start rioting in the streets. They didn’t take matters into their own hands and lynch mob the kid. They didn’t take the opportunity to hit the other side of town and start looting. They sat in their houses and watched with bated breath along with the rest of the world for justice to prevail.. and then I remembered this is the world that I want my baby to live in. A world that is made up of strong righteous people.. BOSTON STRONG!

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My pitfalls to co-sleeping

1010012_10151681419331602_2021633853_nI never thought that I was going to co-sleep. In fact I never really even thought about it at all. I wasn’t against it. I just assumed I could put my baby down in his crib when he fell asleep and that would be it.. boy was I wrong. He was barely a day old the 1st time I saw him wrenching for his “mama” and it broke my heart. I never wanted to see that longing look again.

Now he’s almost 14 months. We had switched him into a pack n play for about a month when he was 8 months old.. I had read that separation anxiety really kicks in around 10 months and that if you don’t get them out of your bed by then they could be 3 by the time that you do.. but then we had some work done to our house which caused us to have to crash at a friend’s house and he was back in my arms.. and kind of did a, “hey.. why did this ever stop in the 1st place?” and that was the end of that.. cried every time.. uncontrollably.. I couldn’t handle it.

I decided that co-sleeping was for me. We have a big enough bed and I loved the snuggle.. it was all good. We did have to buy some plastic sheets. His diapers are only so good at all night.. and he’s a heavy drinker. He can take up to 3 babbas before bed.. I know.. I’m trying to break him of the babba thing too.. one loss at a time please.

But now it’s just getting crazy. He doesn’t sleep anymore. He used to just konk out while we were watching TV. Then as he got bigger we needed to go through the whole routine, “Goodnight Moon” and all, but he would just snuggle in and fall off. Now, now he never wants to sleep. I have to fight with him for hours and I’m still not sure what really works. His naps aren’t much better. He is exhausted all the time.

I’m starting to realize that the co-sleeping is more for me than for him. Though he loves sleeping1459894_10152014712006602_1782437529_n between his mama and his daddy he is not getting the sleep he truly requires and he’s miserable a good chunk of the day. My current job keeps me out till almost 8:30 most nights so I usually don’t even start putting him down till 9:30.. which didn’t used to be an issue.. he’d fall asleep around 10:00 and not wake up till 8 or 9.. it was perfect.. now he’s not going to sleep till closer to midnight. We’re all exhausted. There’s nothing but fighting and tears from all of us. We mine as well leave him in his crib if it’s not being helpful to him anymore. I have to stop thinking about my not wanting to see him cry and start thinking about how I do want to see him healthy.

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Hi Every Bunny!

20140410115520_0001_1We met the bunny yesterday. Technically Jason met him last year, but he slept through most of it as he was only like a month and a half old. This time he sat right in his lap and peered into his giant bunny eyes.. and he smiled!!

I was shocked.. we did not have such a pleasant experience with Santa and I wasn’t sure how it would go. Before heading off to the mall I showed him last year’s picture. I pointed out the Easter Bunny, who I knew was going to be the same one, and20140410115554_0001_1 I showed him how nice he was with the little baby in the picture. I hoped that would help. I don’t know if it was that or if he just assumed it was a giant stuffed animal and was cool with that. No one will ever know the inner workings of a toddler’s brain.. nor should we.

The prices of the packages weren’t that bad compared to other’s that I’ve seen and we had a coupon for 4 free cards with the purchase of a multi-pose CD.. so that’s what we went for.. all in all I think it was a successful day. We even rounded it out with a yummy gourmet cupcake. Looks like I’ll need to do a few more baby exercises to make up for that… but worth it.

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Baby Weight

1467466_10152030431401602_281185331_nSo I knew that I would be putting on weight when I had my baby. I was expecting this. What I wasn’t expecting was the lack of time and inability to exercise after the baby was born. I have had some serious weight ups and downs in my life and during my old marriage I had put on a boat load of weight, but it all came falling off after the divorce with the exercise that I loved doing.

I took dance classes and martial arts and my family loves to hike so we were out there a couple times a week as well as doing my 3 mile walk with my dog almost everyday in the good weather. It was something that I loved doing and looked forward to it.

My pregnancy got a bit complicated, I had placenta previa and was told to limit my activity. Then I had a c-section and again on limited activity. After a year of not a lot of movement it was difficult for me to get back out there. Though I am still trying. I live in New England so the weather constraints, especially with a baby, is not easy to work around either.

I have looked into gym packages and classes, but to be honest I really don’t want to leave my baby any more than I have to. So I have decided to do what I’ve always done.. and stop depending on other people. I have signed Jason up for some classes now that he’s up and walking. We’re doing Zumbini, swim lessons and in the fall we’reworkout-moves-with-baby-in-tow-main-2 going to be starting mom and tot gymnastics. These are all well and good for him and me to a certain extent.. but I need something a little more geared to me. So I started looking up mom and baby exercises. I don’t want to miss out on a minute of my baby’s life.. but I also don’t want to give up on mine either.

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Take a Hike

safe_imageYesterday was fabulously fun… but quite comical. My family goes on a weekly hike, weather permitting, and we take the kids. It’s not a big mountain expedition with a 4-year-old, a baby and a diabetic father… but it’s a nice hour in the woods.

Well, now that Jason is walking my dad and brother just assumed that he would be trekking it himself. They apparently are morons who, even though they have and are raising their own kids, have no concept of the walking attention span of a 13 month old.

I put him in the front pack carrier and spent a good chunk of time covering his eyes because the regular path was so flooded that we had to navigate the nearby woods to get around the lakes that were normally our walk way. Since we were off the beaten path there was a lot of branches flinging back at our faces and I wanted to make sure Jason left the woods with both of his eyes in tact. At one point my nephew got stuck in the center of a watery slide on a rock and was unable to figure out how to get to the next destination. I had to fall back, baby on board and all, and grab hold of him and get him across. All I kept thinking was.. oh, yeah.. my 1-year-old would be great at this.

When we got to the top of the hill I let the little man run around and explore. He had a blast. Though we’ve been walking this trail, pretty much his whole life, he’s never been able to get out and touch things himself. My father was shocked that once down he wasn’t able to just walk along with us and was distracted by… well.. dirt. I have no idea how my brother and I survived him to be honest.

After about 10 mins of playing we decided to move back down the hill. Jason was less interested in holding my hand and being directed so he was captured and fastened back into my carrier pack. I will say that I am looking forward to the day I don’t have to walk up that hill with an extra 25 lbs attached, but we’re not there yet.

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