Mommy Talk

Being a mom ain't easy

It’s Time to be Fabulous!

on June 13, 2014

Fabulous_MagazineI was talking to my aunt today and as usual she asked me how I was and as usual I said that I was “fabulous” she just chuckled and asked why I always said that and how I really was. I told her that I was fabulous. She said something that really struck me… she said that she was never fabulous and could never imagine answering that question in that way.

I really don’t understand that. I mean.. don’t get me wrong I’ve had some tough times and I’veNicole Kidman as a grieving mother in film 'Rabbit Hole' been through some crappy things.. and on occasion I’ve let myself dwell. I’ve listened to the sad music.. rocked out crying in my car.. as it’s the only place with any “privacy”. I mean sure random strangers driving by may be weirded out by it.. but let’s be honest they’re probably more likely to think, “I feel you… been there”. But after my mini-melt down I let things go.

I don’t understand why people have to hold on to their baggage like a life support system. If anything it’s hindering your life and your ability to be well.. fabulous. I remember growing up she was always doing some workshop or another trying to heal issues from her past. She finally talked me into attending one.. and though I found the people there very nice and supportive I felt that it was a little backwards. All they wanted to do was talk about all the problems they had and all the issues they deal with. I remember them constantly trying to get me to open up about what was bothering me. Well, “nothing.. I’m good thanks” wasn’t an answer that they could comprehend.

Now again, I’m not saying that my life is perfect. I’ve had money issues, relationship issues (both friends and boyfriends). I grew up in a divorced family with only my father.. my mom wasn’t well and I didn’t really get to see her often and when I did she was so overly medicated she was barely there anyway. I’m assuming my aunt must have informed her fellow workshoppers about my history because when the, “Coping with how your parents screwed you up” or what ever they called it.. section came up the person in charge paid particular attention to me.. it was almost like she was thinking, “ok… here’s the one we’ve been waiting for”.

She was not happy when I responded, “My dad did the best he could. What the Hell did a single man know about raising kids? And I understand my mom was ill.. she didn’t choose to abandon me. They both loved us more than anything… what more could I have asked for?” They looked at me like I was nuts. How could I possibly be ok with my parents?.. no one is ok with their parents. But I’ve always been the type of person to just not dwell on things that can’t be changed and to move forward if you aren’t happy with what has happened in the past. And most importantly NEVER BLAME OTHERS FOR THEIR CHOICES!

800px-Smiley_svgI hear it all the time.. “oh well, my mom did this”.. or my dad did that.. or my husband/wife/kids.. whomever.. “That’s why I’m screwed up now.” Ok.. you had a crappy childhood and you had no control over that.. but you’re an adult now. You get to make your own decisions.. and most importantly.. you get to decide how you react to others and what ever situation you are in. Notice I didn’t say that they put you into.. You’re a big kid. You can leave a marriage, quit your job, move.. what ever you want. Sure.. it may be hard. But it’s harder to just live in misery.

My whole like I have been refered to as smiley. It didn’t matter what was going on. It didn’t matter what hits I was blown. I wanted to be happy. So I was.


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