Mommy Talk

Being a mom ain't easy

How many kids have to die before we start talking to our own?

APTOPIX_Connecticut_School_Shooting-0333f-1024x535I saw an article today about school shootings. It said that there have been at least 74 since Newtown, CT. That was only 2.5 years ago. That equals out to about 2.5 a MONTH. How is this possible? I heard about the one in Oregon today and turned to my 15 month old son and told him that home schooling was in his future. I was only half kidding.

How can we make sure that this type of thing stops happening? There are the anti-gun people who say that we need to outlaw guns.. then there are the pro-gun people who think that we should arm everyone so that the “bad guy” will reconsider storming the grounds. The problem with that is that it’s very rare that the shooter ever survives… half the point is to go out in a blaze of glory.. I really don’t think that supplying guns to anyone with in reach will help the situation. It will just confuse the matter and no one will know who the “bad guy” is anymore.

Personally what I don’t understand is where are the parents through all of this. I was raised by a single father.. and let’s be honest.. dad’s aren’t the most attentive of parents, but my dad knew where I was at all times. Who I was with.. and how I was feeling. We would have dinners together and go for walks on summer evenings. He was well versed in the boys that I liked.. the girls that Ischool_shooting_drill_t607 hated and knew far too much about “The New Kids on the Block” for his liking… don’t judge it was the late 80s-early 90s. But the point is my dad was involved. He knew my best friend. He wasn’t her biggest fan and didn’t think she was a great influence.. but he took the time to get to know her. He gave us rides, till we were old enough to drive ourselves. He paid attention!

I know that teenagers are psunonomous with privacy and secrets and not being particularly forth coming. It’s their time to branch out on their own and gain some independence.. but they aren’t adults yet. It’s the parents’ job to make sure that their kids are healthy, high functioning members of society. And to be honest with all the technology out there it’s almost easier to see what your kids are up to. Follow their twitter, instagram.. facebook.. blogs.. snapchats and what ever else come along. They are putting their lives out there for the world to see.. if they get on you about snooping tell them.. A… you can snoop all you want till they move out or pay rent and then you can only pry.. and B.. it’s not snopping if you make it public information… if a company sends out a press release that they’re about to go bankrupt they can’t call it insider trading when the stock crashes… it’s all the freedom of information, baby.

I digress.. the point is we have to stop trying to figure out how to get guns out of people’s hands and start figuring out how to keep kids from wanting to kill their classmates and themselves.. cuz if not guns it’ll be bombs, knives… cars… pop rocks and soda… what ever they can get their hands on. Let’s work on talking to our kids again… and taking some responsibilty ourselves.

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Remembering to have a life… after you create one.

safe_image1This has been a very hectic weekend. It has also been a great reminder of how I have to make an effort to keep in touch with those that I care about.

My week ended with my having to attend an old friend’s father’s wake. To be fair he was more a friend of my brother’s but I have known him since I was 16 and used to be quite close to him. Then life happened and we catch up here and there with the seasonal text and Facebook update, but other than that we are practically strangers.

safe_imageSince I was going to be in the area I decided to call up an old colleague of mine whom I used to dinner with weekly, but again since life has course corrected I have seen, now 3 times I think, since my son was born. Of course, my son still came with me to the dinners.. and my friend was completely ok with that… though it’s amazing how I put off or don’t make an effort a lot of times because I don’t want to put out my childless friends by bringing my son a long, but in reality my friends completely understand and usually enjoy him.

Then today was the double graduation of… well the relationship is kind of complicated.. let’s10460704_10152460307806602_1881932296750843487_n just say I remember when each of them was born. They are sisters and one graduated from high school.. the other college. It’s insane how time has flown by and I feel like I never see them any more. For a while there I was making an effort and attending the plays that the younger one was in… they were actually quite good so it was no bother at all… but again as time went on.. and my life got more complicated the drifting grew further and further apart.

I will say that both of the girls attended my baby shower.. but this was the 1st time that they had1979848_10152460305976602_2267334346085250684_n< met my son…. he's 15 months old!!! How is that possible? And as I mentioned these were old family friends… I was close with their WHOLE family at one point… I used to go for ice cream and have spooky tarot card readings with their grandmother for crying out loud and now.. I'm not even sure she knew I had a baby prior to this.

We all promised to keep in touch.. and though we meant it.. we also knew that it wasn't highly likely… but I will say that I am going to do my best. I don't want more years and decades to go by and they next time I see them is my son's graduation… or the next wake.

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Man Down!

Am I the only one whose baby looks like he bounced down a flight of stairs? I admit.. I am not the kind of mom that worries about every little boo boo and I like to make sure that he tries things on his own… but I swear the boy must have inherited my two left feet because the kid trips on NOTHING.

last unicornSometimes it’s not even just the trip. We will be at the park and he’ll be toddling along and then BOOM he’s down, and you think, “Oh good.. he caught himself with his hands” but no.. for some crazy reason babies heads are the heaviest part on their bodies and the next thing I know his feet are in the air and his arms.. still in savior position cause him to just topple face 1st into the gravel.

My poor boy walks around looking like The Last Unicorn most of the time and other than engulfing him in bubble wrap I am at a loss at how to prevent it. People share their concern, “Oh My God! What happened?” and it’s like, “What?!?!? Oh the gash in my child’s head… that’s nothing” How do you pass that off as usual conversation without sounding like you beat your child on a regular basis.

He has recently started his stairs obsession… I am sooo grateful for gates or I have a feeling the ER would assign me a parking space. Hell, I’ve fallen down them a few times myself.. they are a sneaky beast I tell you.

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Hold on Tight!

I am by no stretch of the imagination an over protective parent. Though this is my 1st child I have been baby-sitting, nannying and just helping to take care of kids most of my life. I spent most Saturday nights of my teen life baby-sitting. I have a younger cousin that I moved in with at 15 and would watch OFTEN and then in my late teens my best friend had a baby and I spent most of the following years helping her raise her 2 kids and then some. I love kids and I’m very comfortable around them.

Poststar_Floating_Bouncy_House_TG_140513_16x9_608That being said, since having my own son I have become paranoid about crazy things. What would happen if my car slid off the ice and went into the water? How would I get everyone out safely in a fire… you know.. normal paranoia. But the news lately has me on the edge of my seat. Seemingly normal, everyday, fun activities are putting children in life threatening situations that could never be predicted… though the nay sayers who bother to comment and I guarantee don’t have children or they wouldn’t say things like, “who let’s their child play on the swing set alone?” UMMM… EVERYONE! It’s in the back yard for crying out loud!

I first read about a bounce house being swept off the ground and flown the air like Dorothy on her way to Oz.. then I read a horrific account of a mother who almost watched her child choke to death on their back yard swing set and had no idea what was going on… thank God the “older” brother was there to save her. I say older in quotesswing set because he was 7 and hardly old enough to really handle the situation.

I think about all the crazy things that my friends, brother and I used to do as children and how we were never around parents… it was the 80s and most of us came from single parent homes anyway. I can’t imagine how many times our lives were at risk but we were too young and stupid to realize… or just lucky and we weren’t on the “gravelings” list for the day.

It’s just one article like that makes you realize how lucky you are and thankful for everyday that your loved ones are safe. I look at my son and he is already quite the handful and I know that he is only going to cause more mischief as the years progress. I just hope that fate or God or the “gravelings” are on his side. And mine!

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Mother’s Day Myth

So my boyfriend had been talking up Mother’s Day like it was going to be a culmination of my birthday, Christmas, the birth of our son and every other day mixed together and wrapped up as a perfect present. He told me that he had a whole weekend planned and that I was going to love every second.

Then he told me… well I have to work Saturday… ok.. that happens.. and Mother’s day isn’t till Sunday anyway. So Saturday night by the time we were actually together we decided to just rent a movie.. we have a 1-year-old after all.. not a lot of partying going on.

So we RedBoxed a movie and I decided that we should just get a pizza and call it a day. Now when I think pizza… I think red sauce… gooey cheese and pepperoni.. he got us buffalo chicken. I admit, I am a huge fan of buffalo chicken… it’s just not pizza.. and the baby can’t have any. So now I have to figure out what to feed our son since he can’t have the dinner I had planned on.

jewelry boxOk… so in the morning we wake up.. he had a card and flowers and a precious little jewelry box. I have to explain that I am the daughter of a single father who spent my entire like buying me jewelry boxes because he knew it was something girls like… I have no jewelry.. but at least 40 boxes… I have explained this to said boyfriend.. apparently the only thing that he got out of the story is that girls like jewelry boxes… but ok.. fine.. at least he got me something. I’m not going to complain. Then he brings me out for breakfast…. AAAHHH FINALLY!!! I LOVE going out for breakfast! This is more like it.

During breakfast I casually mention that the baby needs a few things at Target so we should stop onCastle-Island the way out. He suggests that we take a walk by the river and make our way over to Target… sure why not? A riverwalk sounds delightful… “then we’re going to Castle Island?”, I inquired.. as those were our original plans… we had been discussing it for weeks. “Oh, no… we’ll have to do that another Shoppers At Target Corp. Ahead Of Earnings Reporttime… I have to get home. There’s a bunch of stuff I have to work on”. WOW.. Really!? So my fabulous Mother’s Day weekend consists of your favourite pizza and a trip to Target… what will I get for my birthday? A visit to Home Depot and re-finish the back porch?

Now I’m not saying that it was a bad day. In fact if it was a normal Sunday afternoon it would have been lovely. We had a fabulous breakfast. The walk was beautiful.. Jason had a blast at the park.mothers day We even ran into a friend.. though that was cut short by the tapping of the wrist where a watch doesn’t actually reside and the twirling of a finger acting as my director telling me to wrap up my fun cuz he had more important things to do… In fact if he hadn’t been building up the “amazing weekend” he had planned it would have been great.. but don’t promise me the moon and then give me a trip to the planetarium. The planetarium would be perfect without the buildup. Work with what we got here please!

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Knowing When to Let Go

qhDPTR11B9-2So an interesting social experiment has happened in my world today. My phone has buzzed its last text message. I’m sure it’s untimely death has nothing to do with the sippy cup full of juice that was poured on it. I mean it was all natural organic.. no sugar added juice. Yet, strangely enough since the sippy cup incident… my phone has continued to lose functionality. First, I couldn’t access all my pictures. Then it was saying that it was charging when it was clearly NOT plugged in, and now it’s telling me that I don’t have a battery… yet I’m fairly certain that I do… especially since my phone is managing to flash a lighted sign at me stating it has no battery.

Alas, I am without phone. I remember in years past the panic that would set in at the prospect of not having my trusted companion. I remember getting completely pissed at which ever company dared to make such a faulty product that it could not foresee a way to prevent a Mountain Dew attack… I didn’t say the baby spilled the sippy cup.. just that it was spilled. I remember the sheer terror that I may miss a text message or email or.. what’s that other thing that phones do? Right, phone call…

Now I sit, with the lifeless body that was once my best friend.. and I do not mourn its passing, but am at peace that somewhere out there… when I get a chance to pick one up.. there is one justPhoneLandingHero like it… and possibly even an upgraded version…. that will do it’s job just fine. And untill I have the chance to find such a gift… I will enjoy the silence and the thoughts in my own head… and leave the messaging to my computer… who is nice enough to stay at home and not intrude in my life where ever I go.

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Hippity Hoppity Easter Came and Went

1948258_10152339527021602_4071599751604340545_nIt’s funny cuz this was my son’s second Easter and yet he still has no idea what’s going on. I brought him to meet The Bunny. The basket was laid out and filled in the night and yet nothing…. I mean he knows he got a few snacks and toys the next morning but the whole concept is completely over his head.

I think it’s funny how far he has come and yet at the same time he’s still a little baby with very10168121_10152339526766602_2113540666147130845_n little understanding of the ways of the world. I didn’t even bother with the egg decorating or the hunt.. he wouldn’t understand that he’s supposed to go look for them and we’d still be finding them on Christmas. Next year I think we’ll have more fun with it. Next year he’ll be 2 and completely afraid of the giant rat at pictures and totally excited about the prospect of candy… instead of the organic apple chips that he got this year.

524095_10151523833866602_2075482647_nThe one fun thing about this year was his Easter basket. It’s shaped as a giant Peep and last year he was small enough to sit inside of it. I think it will be quite fun watching him year by year get bigger and bigger and the basket get smaller and smaller… until then my family will just have to enjoy watching him play as he does everyday and take pride and in the happy little man that he is.

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Baby in White!

untitledSaturday night was my baby’s Baptism. It was so much fun. He was such a precious little angel. He was a little older than most because we had the slight glitch of neither myself nor his father are Catholic, but my father’s side of the family is and I wanted him baptised at our family church and I want him to learn the old traditions and make up his own mind on what he believes.

Anyway, so, because neither parent was Catholic I had to convert. It took many months, but I feel 1good about my time spent going to the church and what I have learned. The church in which we attend is pretty forward thinking. I could and would never take him anywhere that taught hate. They are accepting of everyone. In fact, the woman who was running my classes has a daughter who recently married a Muslim. If that isn’t accepting I don’t know what is.

2So we had a joint ceremony. My confirmation… as I was already baptised… and his baptismal. It was so beautiful. It was the night of the Easter Vigil. There was a full Mass and a crowd of people. You could really feel the love in the house4 when my baby came up and was ready for his dunking. I have to say, I have never been very fond of organized religion with all the hypocrisy you hear in the news. But on this night with these people I could really understand the appeal and the power that it has given others over the years.

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Murder is no Game

KNXV%20Cody%20Wygant_1397839129120_4127985_ver1_0_320_240I want to start by saying that I have nothing against video games. In fact, I enjoy a good arcade at the beach and like to watch some of the adventure games as if they were a movie. I used to have an ex that used to let me hold the map to the big long games and help direct him places when he got stuck. They can be a lot of fun.

They are also, like anything else, ADDICTIVE! I know people who have had to cut social engagements short because they have had standing plans to play a game with online “friends”. I have known others to bring portable game systems every where they go and completely check out from real life at any given moment. I have seen fights and things broken. I have seen grown men have tantrums worse than my toddler, but now I have seen the worst.

I read an article today about A GROWN MAN who smother his son to death because the baby was crying too much and he couldn’t play his x-box game. Are you effing kidding me?!?!?! I couldn’t even imagine being that baby’s mother. You leave the child alone with his own father. A man you assume would protect his son with his life, just as you would, and you come home to find the little scampering piece of your heart DEAD! Then to find out that it wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t some tragic event that couldn’t be prevented. The man who you left in charge. The man with whom you trusted the most precious, most innocent being in your world actually killed him! And again, not by accident. Then to find out the REASON he felt this was ok.. was because he wanted to play a GAME!! How is this rational understandable? How do you wrap your mind around this the next time you see a kid at the park, or when your own son’s birthday rolls around? How is this even possible?

When did something as trivial as a video game become the most important thing in someone’s life. More important than their own family; their own child’s life? The worst part is that when I went to find the article again I realized that this wasn’t the only little life that was taken over a videojonylah game. There was a 6 month old baby who was shot because her father, allegedly, stole someone’s video game.. so the “victim”, instead of calling the cops to report the theft, shot the man while he was changing his daughter. The little 6 month old angel was shot FIVE times. As if once wasn’t enough!

I have found stories that, so far, go back as far as 2006, and it’s not just men. In 2010 a mother shook her 3 month old to death over FARMVILLE!!! WHAT?!??!?! That doesn’t have a time limit. You can plow and plant as lackadaisical as you choose. I really think that there needs to be help out there for people and this video game obsessed world. (It’s not just happening in The States. There are stories in England and North Korea too). When people are putting their own lives on hold, or KILLING young children over it there needs to be a way to come to terms with it being an addiction.

Now like I said, don’t get me wrong; I like video games. I like drinking too.. but when someone is so addicted that they start to hurt themselves or other over it.. then it’s just a problem. Perhaps a VGA group should be started.. I don’t know.. but this epidemic of lifeless killer zombies has to stop.

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How do you not notice 7 DEAD BABIES!?!?!?

dead-babies-utah-homeI have heard many insane stories in my life, but this new story about the woman who has killed SIX of her newborn babies has to be the most disturbing thing I could have ever imagined. This is literally something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie… or an episode of Criminal Minds.

In the days of legal abortion, adoption and Hell even black-market sales of babies how is it that the only thing that this woman could think to do with a brand new baby is to strangle, smother and kill it! And this wasn’t just some teenage girl in a desperate moment. This was a grown mother of 3 other children who did this not once… not twice but SIX times, and never told anyone until the bodies were found!

How the guilt did not eat at her. How she went about her day-to-day life without anyone one question, noticing or thinking she may have a problem is beyond me. How her husband didn’t notice seven pregnancies (one was supposedly still-born so she didn’t have to kill it) is ridiculous! I have been pregnant. I could never imagine going through the whole thing without my boyfriend finding out. And let’s be honest 10 pregnancies all together, including her actual children, she must have been taking her clothes off in front of him occasionally.. I’m just saying.

But beyond the moron man who couldn’t tell that his wife was pregnant SEVEN times, who looks at a sweet little helpless infant and thinks… “I have to squeeze it to death”? Especially a mother…1024px-HumanNewborn a mother who appears to have her life together enough to not lose custody of her living children. How is this possible? The only thing that I could think of was that horrible “Game of Thrones” character who sent his boys off to be eaten. I don’t even know what else to say about this story.. the concept is so foreign to me I can’t find it in any way conceivable.

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